Joke 1
Shithole
Original post: http://bit.ly/2DqCxka
Joke 2
Heaven must be an awfully dull place if your best friends end up elsewhere. - Anonymous #quote
Joke 3
A policeman arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver Vickie, "Are you seriously hurt?"
"How do I know?" Vickie responds. "I'm not a lawyer!"
Joke 4
Q: But do you know what 6.9 is?
A: A good thing screwed up by a period.
Joke 5
A man walks into a sperm bank and declares, "I'm of royal blood and an I.Q. of 165, I'd like to make a donation". The nurse gives him a sealed cup and directs him to a private room. 20 minutes later the man hasn't come out, the nurse knocks on the door. "Is there a problem?"
"I'm so embarrassed, I used my right hand. I used my left hand. I poured cold water on it and hot water on it. Could you help me?"
The nurse replied, "I don't usually do this but you are kinda cute..."
She gets on her knees and begins to blow him.
"I really appreciate this, but I need help getting the cap off the jar!"
Joke 6
Each day a man walked into his stable to ride his horse, John. He would call out, "Hey there, John, old buddy, how's everything today?" and then bridle his horse.
One day while going through this routine he said, "Hey there, John..." when, to his surprise, the horse turned around and interrupted him!
He said, "For months now, you've walked in here and said, 'Hey there, John, old buddy, how's everything today?' and I'm tired of it! You never wait for an answer, and besides, my name is Randy!"
And with that, the horse took off running!
Shocked, the owner took off after the horse trying to catch it. Seeing the pursuit, his dog joined the chase. After a while the man became tired and stopped to rest at the side of the road. He took out his handkerchief and wiped his face as his dog, who had continued the chase, came back also now breathless, and sat down beside him.
The man wondered aloud, "I've never heard a horse talk before!"
"Me neither!" said the dog, gasping for air.
Joke 7
Two guys were talking at work.
"I've got a problem," said the first one.
"What is it?"
"My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it's HER mother, why can't she buy it?"
"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.
"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."
"Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.
The two guys couldn't come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn't buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.
When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in- law weren't so thoughtful!"
Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year!"
Joke 8
Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.
C.S. Lewis
Original post: http://bit.ly/2Do1pcd
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