Joke 1
Ideas
Original post: http://bit.ly/2GHIb3t
Joke 2
A good time to keep you mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Joke 3
Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.
Joke 4
LAPD Officer: "We arrested this man beating the living daylights out of some poor slob for no reason at all! What should we charge him with?"
DESK Sergeant: "Impersonating an Officer."
Joke 5
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.
"All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?"
Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
Joke 6
The doctor gazed at the harassed, stout lady who sat on the other side of his desk. "I was right, Mrs. Green," he announced, "You are definitely pregnant again."
"This will be the fifteenth, doc," said Mrs. Green grimly. "You'll have to help me. Enough is enough. I want one of those hearing aids!"
"A hearing aid?" frowned the doctor. "Surely you mean a contraceptive device?"
"I mean a hearing aid, doctor. You see it's like this. Every Saturday night my husband comes in drunk. When he gets into bed he says, "Now then, are we going to sleep, or what?"
And every blasted time I say, 'What?"
Joke 7
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static."
The store clerk replied, "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"
To which the blonde answered, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"
Joke 8
Q: Why did the prisoner take a shower before he broke out of jail?
A: He wanted to make a clean getaway.
Conquer your bad habits
Original post: http://bit.ly/2GEW0j1
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