Joke 1
Stop saying yes to shit you hate
Original post: http://bit.ly/2DYhh93
Joke 2
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
Joke 3
Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?"
And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"
Joke 4
Q: How do we know men invented maps?
A: Who else would make an inch into a mile?
Joke 5
Murphy, O'Brien & Casey sitting in a bar discussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes. Casey says, "I would like them to say 'He was a wonderful family man, he always supported his wife and kids, and they never wanted for anything'".
O' Brien says, "That's lovely Casey. But I would like to hear them say, 'He was a great man in the community he undertook a lot of projects to make his community a better place."
Murphy says, "That's very nice, O'Brien. But I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
Joke 6
A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to score! And to do that, you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!"
Next day the son showed up for his date with flowers and chocolates. She was very flattered and pleased and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair, hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received.
After the kiss, he turned and headed for the door.
"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away."
"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewelry!"
Joke 7
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous. He's not sure about what to talk about, so he asks his father for advice.
The father replies, "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. Then he remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl, "Do you like spinach?"
"No," she replies, and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl, "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
Joke 8
Q: What does the richest person in the world make for dinner every night?
A: Reservations.
Gandhi
Original post: http://bit.ly/2Dp9GwE
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