Joke 1
Will Rogers
Original post: http://bit.ly/2GCkedD
Joke 2
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
Joke 3
The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has nominated the 5-inch bog turtle to the endangered species list.
Approval is expected to move very slowly, but steadily, through Congress.
Joke 4
Q: What happened to the guy who fell into a glass grinding machine?
A: He made a spectacle of himself.
Joke 5
A young couple is on their honeymoon. After having great sex, he says, "Now you won't see me for a while."
"We're on our honeymoon!" she exclaims. "Where the heck do YOU think you're going?"
"Nowhere, sweetheart," he says. "Turn over."
Joke 6
A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it.
After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed. The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades.
"And on the third day . . . " he began.
Everyone hollers, "No! No! Start with the first day!"
"And on the third day," the private continues, "she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom."
Joke 7
The doctor at a regional hospital tells his patient, "I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like to hear first?"
The patient asks for the bad news first. "I have the results of your examination of your injuries to both your feet and we're going to have to amputate right away."
"That's the bad news? How could there be good news?"
"See that man in the lobby? The seedy-looking fellow?"
"Yeah," says the patient. "What about him?"
The doctor looks at the patient with a grin, "He wants to buy your shoes!
Joke 8
Q: Why do Italians and Greeks wear moustaches?
A: To look like their mothers.
Not everything that counts can be counted
Original post: http://bit.ly/2GHK2oC
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