Joke 1
Winnie the Pooh
Original post: http://bit.ly/2GFZJwN
Joke 2
Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little. - Epicurus
Joke 3
"Mom, hey, Mom! Lennie passed his bar exam so we're going to get married next week!" The bride-to-be was ecstatic. "Gee, honey, don't you think you two should wait till he's been practicing for a year or so?" cautioned her mother.
"Oh Mom," said the bride with a blush, "we've been practicing."
Joke 4
Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.
Joke 5
A man was driving recklessly down the interstate one day and his girlfriend in the passenger seat was getting very upset. The man finally realized that she was not happy with his driving and said, "Baby I'm sorry for driving so recklessly; I should be more careful when I have precious cargo!"
The girlfriend looked at him and said, "Oh, that's so sweet, baby!"
Then the guy quickly corrected her, "No, no! I mean the golf clubs in the back!"
Joke 6
Little Suzie was supposed to bring fifty cents to school for a work book, so she went to ask her father for it. She found him in the bathroom, stark naked, and in the excitement she forgot all about the fifty cents and asked, "Daddy, What's that?"
Her dad said, "That's what I call 'a shame'."
Next day at school, when the teacher asked for the fifty cents, Little Suzie said, "Daddy couldn't give me fifty cents because he wasn't wearing his pants."
The teacher replied, "Doesn't your father have any shame at all?"
Little Suzie said, "Oh, yes, ma'am, he has one, but it's not as big as the one the principal gave you last Thursday."
Joke 7
The Top 14 Biblical Ways to Get a Wife
- Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
- Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3)
- Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. - Moses (Ex 2:16-21)
- Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
- Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
- Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Gen 2:19-24)
- Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
- Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife - David (I Samuel 18:27)
- Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
- Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. -Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
- When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." -Samson (Judges 14:1-)
- Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though). - David (2 Samuel 11)
- Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onana and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
- Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
Joke 8
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Gossip is a disease
Original post: http://bit.ly/2GGfALZ
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